and you're more beautiful than ever

So today has been a pretty bad day, sunshine aside, and maaaaaybe just maaaaybe days like this will stop upon newly set moving in date.
But then i guess like it could go either way, and that may spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r but THEN, I'm only 20 right? riiight?

See i think that maybe if i don't have anyone to impress, i wont sleep 14 hours a day, you know?
reverse psychology n e one????? but then again maybe REALLY not having anyone to impress will further inspire my horrible sleeping habits that may or may not be some lurking terminally ill disease or something, or something i should PROBABLY get checked out but then again i am a 19 year old female with a horrible, horrible diet, and for all i know i AM anemic but onnnce again I'm like NO that's not SERIOUS enough to believe! I think i also avoid eating healthier because i feel comfort in knowing that everything unusual that happens to my body and shit are BECAUSE i just don't know how to fucking take care of myself. And it would all probably go away if i pull up my socks and do something about this suicide life style (ie: eating shit, sleeping, not eating at all, eating shit that's hardly classified as food, take a cab everywhere, eat more shitty food, sleep for another 12 hours, etc) but i guess I'm worried that once i live healthy enough to eliminate any possibility of my symptoms being from poor eating habits and life style, what does THAT leave on the plate for me??? cancer, diabetes, Parkinson's disease, etc. and i can't fall back on my safe blanket of telling myself "you might have cancer, but this might also be your asinine way of taking care of your body, stop it."
which then i never do and the circle continues lol i suppose this doesn't make any sense because my life style is most likely TO lead to shitty terminally ill disease, and or fucked up blood sugars and WHATEVER.

Anyway, today i woke up full aware it was an appalling time to be waking up at. I looked at my phone and ooooofffffffffff course its after 4 pm. i fell asleep at around 230 am woke up, went to my room at 310am, and continued sleeping from 330am-415pm.
I woke up and walked reallllly fast out of my room so my dad wouldn't have time to muster up something shitty and rude to say. Which he did eventually, and i decided that any further growing guilt over the past years of giving my parents "attitude" for asking questions, will cease at once!

See yesterday i started having this terrible realization that i have been PRETTY fucking shitty to step parent and bill. Only because for the last like few days or so my brother has been giving me this atttiitude that i don't even understand where it came from. idk sometimes i feel like his life goal is to make people feel like they are completely idiots with how he answers questions. Idkdik like i understand he is a sensitive guy so i'm allllways trying to put things in the nicest way possible as to not offend him, but it seems like he could give less of a fuck if he hurts MY feelings with how he talks to me sometimes I DUNNO but like whatever i guess, i don't understand so what who cares. But moving on with my epiphany, jack also seems to be avoiding money issues such as groceries, or lack of contributing to cost of house hold items WHICH, in turn, is fair because it's not his responsibility to buy anything except for groceries. But i'm too scared to ask him to either pay 1/3 of the groceries me and Tiffany have already bought which is over 200 dollars, or to just discuss that maybe he should buy his own groceries???????????? idk i feel so shitty and nervous and scared cause i DON'T want to piss him off, i also want to avoid feeling stupid for trying to word things nicely and get 'tude thrown back at me.

Lol okay and here's the embarrassing part, it actually started to hurt my feelings and slowly piss me off the point i started feeling like BRIDGET asking for money or other shit that no one really wants to talk about. And like i guess I'm the same way cause i owe Tiffany like 160$ and every time she asks about it I'm like FUCK OFF GET OFF MY BACK MAN SHUT UP lololol i mean that's not a direct quote but that IS how i feel i guess being asked about money which is shitty but that's ALSO why i NEVERRRR ask people to pay me back cause i know how bothersome it is. Idk and then i started feeling really bad for Bridget and my dad KIND OF until i woke up and i reassured myself "no no they are on a completely different level."

I'm trying really hard to keep MOVING IN as positive as it can be, but that recent swine tornado of attttitude, resentments, money issues, my shitty job ripping me off out of hours and avoiding it, fear of unknown, likelihood of TOTAL DISASTER upon many other things... makes it hard to look forward to it.

Although this is probably just how i feel today though, maybe I'm just pissed I've had 2 days off in a row and i spent 1 and girlfriend's work and 2 sleeping all day just in time for DINNER
and I'm getting really stressed out because there is no sign of Jack returning home, Tiffany is at work, and I'm suuuuuuuuure Bridget is on her way riding on her chariot pulled by 6 fire breathing lizards or something funny and depressing like that.

Oh just one more thing, there's nothing that makes me feel happier than my dad trying to puke out the name of my cat. You can tell it kills him inside to say QUASI but that's his NAME and he HAS to address him as that it is horrible and amazing and I'm probably going to go waste my day doing something else unproductive.

Also Bridget's birthday tomorrow.... AOAHohohoHOH!~!~!