Jew years!

Umm i still don't know what i'm doing for new years yet but like who cares

I lost my phone or misplaced it or something uhhhhhhhhhh oh well i guess


I miss Tiffany and kind of wish she was here making me go to bed right now

I wonder if i'm going to quit smoking uhhhhh


Ohh sometimes i forget how big of a fucking joke you are and i almost catch myself in the act of thanking you for reminding as often as i forget
Like you are embarrassing in every single light
And i hate that when i think about it i miss the euphoria of "my youth", and think about stupid things
like how the air felt and how pretty the sun looked before it set following nights of drinking and pretending and mostly pretending
you know, when i was more energetic and hilarious
and then i try to remember that it had absolutely nothing to do with you
and it had nothing to do with the ocean or being in between the mountains

If i could give you a pin i'd get you to deflate your fucking head, and the dirt you walk on
i just don't have the time to continue the indirect distaste for your role in anything
which in a sense has always been nothing
and i guess i just feel sorry for you
Happy new year!!!

Crab dip a la SWED

Paul Revere here,

Hey all, wuz party?

Today it's Christmas
Ummm as it stands, A+ Christmas
Minus Steve (mom's boyfriend) ruining christmas by getting my sister and brother high while the rest of us were watching national lampoon's christmas.
And then preformed an actual joint rolling demonstration.
Like my mom was sooo embarrassed she was tearing up
And it just sucked to see the look on her face.
Dear mom, please stop dating men,
thanks MGMT

Not much to update i guess ummm still recovering from the tragic demise of Luanne, but like, who isn't?

I got everything i want, i also got too drunk Christmas eve but like, who didn't

We have just recently dropped Tiff off at the airport, she's going home for an entire week
And i mean.. that is the longest we've been apart since she moved here at the end of august
I mean.. we're pretty much common law, right? right.
So i guess what i'm trying to say is i dunno what i'm going to do with myself in the time period.
I also don't have too much money left, thanks to final minute shopping yesterday.
GreaAaaAAt another 2 weeks broke O WLL

So i'm drinking wine now, watching fucking "ernest saves christmas"
dreading the absence of my better half this week.
I've never consecutively been around one person sooooo long that wasn't my family before
And instead of being relieved and thinking of it as a bit of a "break" and time to just be WELL PAULA ,
i'm just really sad and am going to be super lonely and bummed out when i'm at home.
There's nothing i do alone that i don't do with Tiff
And it sucks a lot
And i'm counting the days until shes back again, i have a feel time will crawl by.

I should refill on wine
Annnnd tyler should come over so we can gab and shave our legs and sleep through boxing day

jews news!

Paul Revere here,

Hey guys you've probably all heard the news yesterday
you know, Luanne Platter passing away after going in to"cardiac arrest"
Cardiac arrest huh
I mean how many 32 year olds drop dead from going into cardiac arrest?
Is saying "LUANNE PLATTER DIED FROM A DRUG OVERDOSE THIS MORNING" too taboo?
Everyone does it, it's no big deal, i mean really.

Anyways okay okay Brittany Murphy it was a shame to see you go, i said it!
Although you will forever remain Luanne to me, because she was your most prominent role i think...throughout your entire career, and there ain't nothin wrong with that!

So, moving forward, we would just like to say,
Thanks, Luanne, for the years of entertainment, and congratulations to you and Buckley,
as i'm sure you two will be happily reunited in death.

xoxox

jews will be jews

Hey wuz party guys?

I just want any readers to know now, that whenever "so what who cares" is included anywhere
in my blog,
it is to be read in a jewish accent, and nothing else.

Thanks, MGMT.


In other news it's Christmas in 4 days, iHHUAHAHDW3WWWEHHEESAKKKK
I mean i don't hate christmas like i hate capitalizing my "i"s or anything, nothing like that
but since i am now IN THE HOLE in my banking, there's no better time to express my distaste for the holiday.
who am i kidding i love christmas DAMNIT GRANDMA PEGGY DAMN YOU

(The more presents you buy your family the more you love them, remember that! )


Moving forward,
Tiffany and I made gingerbread houses out of ghram crackers last night
So i guess they weren't gingerbread houses at all
and i guess tiffany made a two story church, and not a house.
which actually looks more like the Leaning Tower of Festive to me but like
so what who cares.

So my stepmom bought me 50$ worth of razors for me for Christmas
only i don't shave my legs and i guess she told Tiff that she thought it was pretty unsocially acceptable of me, hey now!
News flash! two dykes are living under your roof together, how socially acceptable is that?
VERY I'LL BET
anyway, the grinch was visited by three ghosts the other day
Tic Tac, Irony, and King Jew
and i guess she decided to null and void that gift, and got me something i wanted so,
back to the drawing board with appropriate gifts
and i have -0 money in my account until the day before christmas

UGGJJJHHHH

xoxo

thanks,
Mambo King 5