hmmm

I allllllllllllllllready know what's going to happen but it's not like i'm wasting any time, which i juuust realized which was not what i was dwelling on when i first started typing so change of plans it actually doesn't suck and it actually doesn't matter YES 10/10
don't you love when that happens?

Also it's a shame i guess that i haven't been keeping records of whats happened in my life since Aug 4th i believe cause judging by my moms premature signs of alzheimers i may be losing my mind sooner than anticipated guLPP

Not with Tiff anymore, don't have Jude anymore, Quasi died (RIP), got a new cat Princess Poncho, and I moved out with siblings, got evicted, in process of finding new house, also started university

Hmmm my life seems super appealing

Any how, i'm looking forward to being single for the rest of my life because well
I have come to terms with the fact that dating is just unnatural, and it just doesn't work, and it causes unecesarry emotions and conflict in your life, and probably emotions humans aren't even SUPPOSED to feel. but since we've all been conditioned into thinking that dating is something we're just SUPPOSED to do, monogomy esssspecially,it actually just ruins lives, and encourages people to make bad decisions. beeecause when they can't obtain something that doesn't exist, which they feel they are absolutely required to find, depression, self loathing, stress, anxiety, jealousy, and MUCH more begins to fuck with your life. that means work, school, health, happiness and overall well being is effected seveeerely
And we do this cause why? WHY? WHY does no one question these fucking things
Humans are supposed to run around looking for their match........ when there is NOOO proof that we are supposed to be even INTERESTED in that shit and don't even get me staaaaaaaarted on marriage and heterosexuality and NORMS and all this other fucked up shit that plays into "dating" alone
All dating does is make you HATE yourself, HATE others, and makes you feel so fucking alone

EWWWWWWWWW and the thing i HATE the most is i'll proooobably date someone again one day, and i'll let myself be fooled by the "maybe" thing and then realize oh wait....
ughhh its a reaaaal shame that theres no way to untrain my mind that this is actually something i'm supposed to be concerned about............
and it's an even bigger shame that the emotions that stem from it actuaallly have an impact on my life and how i'm able to function
Like thats just downright fucked up isn't it?

But then i get to thinking, whyyyyyyyy fucking fight this?
like i'm already BRAINWASHED why the fuck not WHYYYYYY not just live normally
and stupidly
maybe if i do more nitrous and drink more, the world will become less apalling and i can fit in a little better
I mean i already do fit in pretty well like i have mastered most things but like
oh welllllllllllllllllllllll
I haven't decided if this is something i will protest for the rest of my life, or if ill just give in and date for the novelty effect of it, and then be miserable once it wears off and i'll wait til something significant enough happens where a "dumping" is in order, exercised by either party, and then it will happen all over again!

My mom's God is a woman and my mom she is a witch, i like this
My Hell, comes from inside it comes from inside myself
why
fight
this


GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!